the rocks

the relationship between shiz and i is on the rocky side here lately.  she doesn't seem to be very happy.  news is now she's planning to leave the farm a week earlier than she had originally planned, is going to stay somewhere else on maui she said, although she doesn't know where.  the only time we really spend together or talk to one another is when we are eating.  we still make and eat dinner together every night but the thrill is gone i guess you'd say.  we don't take pictures of the event anymore.  

she's in her room a lot, which the rooms are great and all, but my room is about the last desirable place for me, the relative splendor of everything that surrounds the room is too great.  this rule applies to the kitchen and living room too, with these two places one rung up from my room.  she shuts her door all the time now too.  it really irks me.  closed doors make me feel unwanted or a nuisance or something.  she's always listening to pop music too.  always.  she is right now, in fact, as she walks about the farm weeding and this and that.  she wears her headphones around her neck, the old school ones with thin foam pads covering the covering the ear-sized speakers, and then plays the music loud enough so that she can here it from a foot away.  wherever she is, this tinny, background radio noise accompanies her.  she really likes fergi apparently.  

she seems to think i'm wrong most of the time, and even when she doesn't have any other information, she will call my views into question.  it's the worst.  i am constantly fending the vibe like all of this is not living up to her expectations, but i don't know what those might be.  and i know even less about her intentions.  i esteem myself compassionate but we can't communicate.  she is speaking her second language all the time, and i begin to wonder if the way she reacts to everything i say with a hesitant uncertainty is a product of this reality.  i think it has a lot to do with the way i talk though too.  i tend to speak in quick half sentences and aphorisms most of the time.  it must be hard to keep up with.  all this being said, she is still decidedly frosty.

she'll be leaving in a couple of weeks though and this will all be archived away in the annuls of fading memory.  i'll do my best to remember her fondly but the music.  

that damned mind-numbing music.

on the up and up, i just finished digging the last of the holes for six little trees  we're planting.  diggin holes is hard on a mountain.  you dig with a spud bar mostly.  then sift through all the rocks, pile them up on the low side then spud bar again.  had a bunch of young mango trees die out in the youngest of the orchards.  we are replacing them.  seems to be the water that killed them, chemicals in it.  and specifically with the little mangos.  we aren't putting mangos in the open spots.  well maybe one mango, but mostly avocados, a lychee and a guava.  there are two duck ponds (little tarp based constructions that hold water well enough for the ducks to poop in) out by these trees.  i'm going to just water from those so as not to run the risk of the poison water.  this is the nice thing about working a place.  after a while you get invested in each part of it because you've done something to make it that way.  all the actions you take become a part of the place.  and so the more you do, the more you care about what needs to be done, or the more this recognition becomes a natural, internal process.  john has a saying:

seeing is doing, 

doing is understanding, 

understanding is seeing